The Tire Co-in-ky-dink

I have this incredibly-frustrating habit of constantly putting off at least one very important deliverable.

If you’re able to review the thousands of To Do lists I’ve written over the years…

If you peeked into the on-line calendar in my phone…

If you ever knew the strange workings of my warped mind…

…you’d realize that I probably suffer from some syndrome with a fancy name & a cool acronym!

Oh, BTW, it’s “coincidence” (co-in-ky-dink)! 🤪

I’ve probably completed hundreds of thousands of different tasks & deliverables over the course of my 35+ year professional career (not to mention my personal life), but again, there’s always been (at least) a couple of to-do items that constantly appeared on the “Things To Do” list…day after day, week after week, month after month & yes, year after year!

Back in the mid-’80s, when I was running CitiPhone for the Brooklyn/Long Island/Staten Island Region as well as managing the Checkbook business, I agreed to compile a bunch (er, 5 thousand or so, I believe) of “teller training kits” for our Training organization.

This exercise consisted of filling envelopes with all different supplies I procured…sample checkbooks, deposit tickets, play money, withdrawal/payment slips, etc..

This one remained as a deliverable for well over a year! (Yes, I finally got it done! Thank God!).

Usually, and amazingly so, I was able to avoid any real disasters despite these insane delays in fulfilling some deliverables.

Of course, some were more important than others & different ones had different “tolerance levels” for not delivering the goods when I originally wanted to.

Or thought that I could.

Here’s one particular example that could very well have turned disastrous for me..:if it were not for the gods looking kindly upon me!

I had just purchased a brand-new set of tires for my car in the late ’70s, a nice Chrysler Volare. I always thought I was the shit as the gear shift (it was an automatic) was mounted on the center console.

Vrooom!!! Vrooom!!! 🏎 💨💨💨

Anyway, I never purchased a spare for the car, but somehow fell victim to the tire shop manager’s sale spiel regarding this magic elixir, er, substance that they would pump into the tires that was “guaranteed” to automatically & immediately seal any leak or puncture in the tire itself, thereby preventing a flat tire.

I bought this “tire magic” stuff & went happily on my way. For over 2 years, I was driving back & forth between Brooklyn & Staten Island on a pretty regular basis as Laurie lived on SI & we were engaged at the time (eventually marrying on 9/6/80).

One Saturday afternoon, I went to a tire shop by Bay Pkwy & Shore Pkwy (where Citi branch #144 was located & the future home of the now-defunct Ceaser’s* Bay shopping center…I’m thinking it was right by the E.J. Korvette** department store) & actually bought myself a new tire that I could use as a spare.

* This is exactly how it was spelled (differently than the salad & the Roman Emperor). You should know better…I’m highly allergic to spelling mistakes, silly!

** By the way, dear NYers, it’s an urban myth that the store was founded by, and named after, Eight Jewish Korean War Veterans. Korvette was actually the founder’s real name!

Don’t ask me whatever possessed me to do this. I mean, something so responsible as ensuring my car had a working spare was simply not part of my normal routine!

Anyway, THAT VERY SAME EVENING, while riding on Richmond Ave in S.I. heading toward Laurie’s home in Eltingville, I get a flat!!!

No idea what happened to that bullshit sealant nonsense in my tire, but it was as flat as some of my one-liners!

How glad was I that I was able to easily pop out the spare & change the tire!

Life is just full of so many koinky-dinks.


As always, thank you so much for listening!