Dreams.

The “real” ones can, indeed, be strange things. (“Real” as in the ones you have while you’re sleeping as opposed to the ones you create to help guide your life.)

I know that I’ve been having the “same dream” for quite a while now & it involves a return to Citi.

Even in the dream itself, I’ll talk about how I constantly have these dreams about returning. And the USCC are actually these 2 round buildings and every single time I leave, I can never remember where the hell I parked my car!

I wind up sledding home.

Driving a lawn motor.

Operating one of those go-karts you’ll find at an amusement park.

Once I stole a golf cart that Facilities Mgmt used to water the flowers.

Or just wondering around these gigantic parking lots, then returning to the cafeteria in Bldg II or hanging with the night crew!

I have another regularly-recurring dream about going to this really “Ritzy” hotel in Paris (sometimes it actually involves the plane trip as well). Seems that I’m always running from one elevator to another…and in & out of a whole lotta bathrooms.

I know there’s some deeper meaning hidden somewhere in there. 🤔

But, by far, the absolute strangest & eeriest ones ever occurred after I underwent a “simply hernia surgery” in November of 2017.

From what I’m told, the surgery went off without a hitch & there were no issues whatsoever.

But a day later, I had a near-death experience as my kidneys totally failed!

Thanks to the wonderful staff at the Stone Oak Methodist Hospital here in San Antonio, they were able to bring me back.

Apparently, this whole episode was pretty serious as my nephrologist, Dr. Matthew Schaefer, later told me…when I went in for my regular quarterly check-up in April, 4+ months late…

“Boy, I’m so glad to see you…alive & walking! Things were pretty scary back then for you. We weren’t sure you were gonna make it!”

Scary as shit when you hear these words out of a doctor’s mouth. Normal people, OK, but…

He actually came & visited with me twice – – even though he wasn’t my attending physician in the hospital. I don’t remember anything as I was out for about a week or so.

Good man.

And then, a few days later, my heart couldn’t support my breathing any longer & I needed an emergency tracheotomy.

Note: Thank God 🙏🏼 I decided a few years back to self-identify as a cat!

*pause*

*paws*

*whiskers*

I believe it was in 2010. I lived in St. Pete, FL when I was attending a Yankees-Rays game at Tropicana Field. Somehow (perhaps there was a solar eclipse), I unbelievably couldn’t finish my garlic fries…ya know, as a card-carrying American of Italian descent, I was completely thrown for a loop & made this truly life-changing transformation for which I’m now eternally grateful.

But I’m now down to only 4 lives left (of the 9 I was originally allocated)!!!

1 & 2) Those two blood-cursing incidents back in Columbus, OH (’11-’15). Sorry, the records are sealed so no details can be provided.

3) Colostomy take-down surgery, the first time my kidneys failed me. That’s when I first encountered Dr. Schaefer as he came to my rescue.

And this event described here used up #4 & #5.

OK, back to our story…

When I eventually started to come to, I thought that I had actually died & was reincarnated as an elderly woman in the Midwest. (It was “actually” a rainy day in Indiana & I found myself in some doctor’s waiting room.)

This hadda be Hell, I thought, as I was unable to speak & didn’t know who I was now. I couldn’t even ask someone for help. (This actually turned out to be the second of my crazy dreams during that time.)

I was just waiting for Rod Sterling & his cigarette to appear as this hadda be an episode of the Twilight Zone!

Reminded me of the one episode where this crabby ol’ loner (who basically greatly favored reading over being around people) was the only surviving person left on Earth after this Apocalyptic disaster.

He’s wandering around the city, when he stumbles upon the main branch of the NY Public Library, complete with the famous crouched lion statues guarding the front entrance.

Everything is in complete ruins…but there are books, thousands of book, just lying everywhere!

He believes this is Paradise…after all, he’s got all these books, yet no bothersome people around anywhere.

But then, as he’s sitting on the steps, his glasses slip off & fall to the floor. The viewers get to see the now completely-blurry vision he has of everything.

And in his haste to find his spectacles, he accidentally steps on them…and crushes them to pieces!

Then the Rodster appears out of nowhere with some well-placed “Ha, gotcha ass!” lines.

Now, in my first dream (at least of those that I can remember), I was already dead.

Yes, “they say” that you can never actually die in your dreams, but what about those people who die in their sleep? And how the hell can scientists know what people can & can’t dream about?

Seriously now.

Are they the CDC?

Apparently, I was already dead (it was kinda like watching a movie, being able to see & hear everyone, but I was somehow present, kinda like floating above everyone, observing stuff). My family had already held my wake here in San Antonio.

I remember everyone (family & friends) gathering at some seafood restaurant for a dinner afterwards, a meal paid for by my Dad.

(Note: My Dad passed away in 1992, but seemed alive & well in this dream.)

My big issue was that I couldn’t find a way to get myself back to NY in time for my own wake, funeral & burial up there. Yep, a pretty unique situation, heh?

Something “similar” happened in real life when Laurie passed the day before 9-11. We held a one-day service in San Antonio the next day, but couldn’t fly to NY for another week because of the national air travel ban. Took us a week to finally get back!

In the dream, I was so worried that my Dad would be wasting his money as I couldn’t get there in time for my own wake!

Very strange.

The other part of that dream sequence also involved my Dad.

He had these gigantic hands in real life. (I mentioned them in my “Pool, Anyone?” story.) Never saw rings as large as his. Couldn’t buy leather gloves as none would fit his paws. Once, when I picked up his bowling ball, I could’ve sworn I saw a few homeless families peeking out from the finger holes.

Well, in this dream, I remember his hand reaching out of the clouds for mine, with his fingers moving as if to say “Come, grab my hand! Follow me!”

I was afraid.

I kept trying to move out of his reach.

I never disobeyed my Dad, that is, never directly. So this felt so strange that I wouldn’t be following his instructions.

He just kept on trying to get me to grab his hand…and I just kept refusing.

With that one, I kinda know the meaning behind the symbolism.

Yeah, dreams are pretty strange.

Nowadays, most that I have are pretty frustrating ones…trying to escape/avoid someone, being chased, always some situation where’s something’s amiss or just not right.

Even in my Citi dreams, where I’m always finding myself in a job, I have absolutely no idea whatsoever on what to do.

I’m in charge (and, many times, it’s the Control Desk/Command Center), but I haven’t the foggiest how stuff is done.

Years ago, after I graduated from Pace University in NY (1974), I was so happy about finally joining the business world & leaving academia behind.

Homework. Yeeeech!!! 🤮

There was no homework at work. No assignments always hanging over your head. No studying.

And no test taking!!! Although I actually loved taking tests my entire life, I hated having to prep for them.

So for years & years after finishing school, I would have these (probably) weekly dreams where I suddenly found myself getting ready for a major exam in order to graduate.

However…

…it seemed that I attended class the entire semester…

…I usually had less than a day to prepare for the final exam & the textbook was, like, 3-4 inches thick…

…and if I actually made it to the test part, it was often in a foreign language!!!

And, of course, one I didn’t know!

Est-ce que tu parles français? Shit, no!

Most nights, I truly dread going to sleep as I don’t look forward to these nightmares. I must have them almost EVERY single night, in one form or another.

I am totally convinced that any physical discomfort you’re experiencing…say, it’s cold & your blankets fall off…you get your arm stuck in the side rail to your bed at the Warm Springs Rehabilitation Hospital in SA’s Medical Center & wake up with bruises all over your elbow & arm (after having THE MOST TERRIFYING dream in history!)…your stomach is upset…you’re having pain in your neck✔️&/or shoulders✔️, knees✔️,  hip✔️, back✔️, feet✔️, elbow✔️, wrist✔️, etc.)…or any other bodily condition that just “isn’t right”!

And with all my crap, I’m often most uncomfortable & in pain when I’m lying down (other than when I’m trying to walk, of course)!

(I KNOW I’m paying for some past sins…but I couldn’t possibly have been that bad now, right???

Jeez, freakin’ Louise!)

Often times, the happiest part of my day is when I wake up & realize that everything was just a dream.

I always thank Him profusely for granting me yet another day on this here Earth. I may no longer have as many opportunities to interface with, and help, people as I once did, but…

Trust me, not that my current (lack of a real) life is anything to write home about, but at least, I don’t have this gigantic helplessness thing or huge frustration hanging over my head.

Hmmmm, actually, come to think of it…

If I could only write a book about my dreams, it’d be MUCH, MUCH MORE interesting & entertaining than this blog dribble here!

Oh, well…

 

Thank you so very much once again for listening!

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